Toy Soldiers
by Born of Stars
Summary: Song fic based on Ranger's thoughts. Lyrics included below the fic may be Rrated but not essential to the story. Please R&R!


**Toy Soldiers**

Ranger set his glass sharply down on the dark wood of the coffee table. Amber liquid swirled round in it, threatening to spill over the top, but somehow staying just within the glass. Sitting back on the plush, dark brown couch, he let his head drop back and closed his eyes. Music switched from song to song, flicking through his CD collection at random, almost sounding like white noise to his ears. Shit.

_Step by step. Heart to heart. Left right left. We all fall down. Like toy soldiers._

Eminem's voice took over from the high voices of the choir of children that sung each chorus. His voice was perfectly controlled, exactly in time with the music, never missing a beat. Like Ranger. He'd learnt to control his emotions over time, bury them deep inside him in order to focus absolutely on the job in hand. A slip-up could get him killed. Had killed a man in his team, years ago when he was still in the army. It wasn't a mistake Ranger was willing to make. Just sometimes, though, it seemed like that control was slipping. But he couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let that happen.

_Bit by bit. Torn apart. We never win, but the battle rages on, for toy soldiers._

Sometimes that was what war felt like. Like all you were, were just pieces in a chess game. Controlled and moved around in strategic positions, in order to gain an advantage over an unknown enemy, in some unknown contest you were all just one small part of. He hadn't been a simple soldier for years – it didn't take long for Ric to be selected for the Rangers – but he could still remember the strict principle of following each and every order that came through, no matter where it would take you. Bit by bit, torn apart. Families, friends, lives. War didn't come and go without taking some of those involved with it.

Ranger lifted his head and opened his eyes. They landed on a stark white sheet of paper, resting on top of an equally coloured envelope. An unopened envelope sat next to it. Dark print marred paper's otherwise flawless surface. In the dark room, the sheet of paper seemed to almost blind him, contrasting dramatically with hardwood table and the shadows surrounding it. It was a letter, announcing the death of a man he'd served with for 7 years, who'd gone on to serve 5 more years in the army, right up until now. They'd gone through training together, him, Ric, Tank and one other, the four of whom had been tighter than anything. Brothers in almost every sense of the word, brothers at heart. When Ranger and Tank had decided to get out, the other two had remained in, though they still kept in regular contact. Up until now. Killed, in the line of duty.

The walls Ranger had built around his mind, and worked to keep strong for so long, were threatening to crack and crumble around him. He hadn't opened the second letter, but knew its contents well enough regardless. He'd seen others before him receive this particular letter, sometimes regretting the decision when their views on things had been different. The decision that, even when they left the army, they would still be able to be recalled to active duty.

In less than an instant, the amber liquid had been drained from the glass as a path of liquid fire swept down Ranger's throat. Active duty. Again. It wouldn't be so bad, if not for…if not for everything. He'd changed. When he'd entered the army, he was a 'trouble maker', sent into the army by a court of law. No – or very little – ties to anything. But now? When he got out of the army, all he wanted was to have fun. Live his life following his own orders, and be happy to do so. Commitment to anything was a foreign concept back then. One night stands, jobs you could be in one state, or even country, one night, and another the next evening. Now…Jesus. He didn't want to go back, he realised with a jolt. His hand moved, and the clear perfect glass shattered into a hundred clear perfect shards, reflecting the little light, from the street lamps outside, that filtered through the window. The chorus came on again.

_Step by step. Heart to heart. Left right left. We all fall down. Like toy soldiers._

He had ties now. People who relied on him. A life, built around him, fixed right here. And he didn't want to leave. The boy called Ricardo Manoso had so much more now than he ever had then. Manoso. A family of soldiers. His father had been killed in war. Carlos Manoso – loved husband and father.

There was so much here, and to uproot again…It had taken years to get RangeMan up and running. To build a reputation that ensured top priority business was only safe in one set of hands. His hands. He had friends, people he relaxed with, people he could trust. So much, things that he had thought impossible to have when he got out. Except it wasn't getting out – more like stepping aside. And now he was being asked back in. Asked so you couldn't say no.

_Bit by bit. Torn apart. We never win, but the battle rages on, for toy soldiers._

He was leaving. Leaving RangeMan. Tank. Lester, Bobby, Hal, Cal…each one of whom he would trust with his life. Trenton. Safety – a place where people knew him, knew of him, making it easy to get what he needed almost every time. Leaving Stephanie.

* * *

Ok, so I am an Eminem fan… :D If you haven't heard Like Toy Soldiers, you should listen to it (it's _amazing_) and then reread this story. The lyrics are as follows – they're worth reading, as the rap sections are ironically relevant to Ranger too. Please read and review - doesn't matter if you don't like it, please can I have you honest opinion! Thanks :D 

**Like Toy Soldiers, by Eminem**

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down...

**Chorus:**  
Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down like toy soldiers  
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win  
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers

**Verse 1:**  
I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure  
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders  
I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it  
Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a Benzino it don't matter  
I'd never drag them in battles that I can handle unless I absolutely have to  
I'm supposed to set an example  
I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em  
If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em  
Now the Ja shit i tried to squash it, it was too late to stop it  
There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it  
I heard him say Hailie's name on a song and I just lost it  
It was crazy, this shit be way beyond some Jay-z and Nas shit  
And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it  
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted  
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it  
This ain't what I'm in hip-hop for, it's not why I got in it  
That was never my object for someone to get killed  
Why would I wanna destroy something I help build  
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions was good  
I went through my whole career without ever mentionin' Suge  
Now it's just out of respect for not runnin' my mouth  
And talkin' about something that I knew nothing about  
Plus Dre told me stay out, this just wasn't my beef  
So I did, I just fell back, watched and gritted my teeth  
While he's all over t.v. down talkin' a man who literally saved my life  
Like fuck it i understand this is business  
And this shit just isn't none of my business  
But still knowin' this shit could pop off at any minute cuz

**Chorus**

**Verse 2:**  
There used to be a time when you could just say a rhyme  
And wouldn't have to worry about one of your people dyin'  
But now it's elevated cuz once you put someone's kids in it  
The shit gets escalated, it ain't just words no more is it?  
It's a different ball game, callin' names and you ain't just rappin'  
We actually tried to stop the 50 and Ja beef from happenin'  
Me and Dre had sat with him, kicked it and had a chat with him  
And asked him not to start it he wasn't gonna go after him  
Until Ja started yappin' in magazines how we stabbed him  
Fuck it 50 smash 'em, mash 'em and let him have it  
Meanwhile my attention is pullin' in other directions  
Some receptionist at The Source who answers phones at his desk  
Has an erection for me and thinks that I'll be his ressurection  
Tries to blow the dust off his mic and make a new record  
But now he's fucked the game up cuz one of the ways I came up  
Was through that publication the same one that made me famous  
Now the owner of it has got a grudge against me for nothin'  
Well fuck it, that mutherfucker can get it too, fuck him then  
But I'm so busy being pissed off I don't stop to think  
That we just inherited 50's beef with Murder Inc.  
And he's inherited mine which is fine ain't like either of us mind  
We still have soldiers that's on the front line  
That's willing to die for us as soon as we give the orders  
Never to extort us, strictly to show they support us  
We'll maybe shout 'em out in a rap or up in a chorus  
To show them we love 'em back and let 'em know how important it is  
To have Runion Avenue Soldiers up in our corners  
Their loyalty to us is worth more than any award is  
But I ain't tryna have none of my people hurt and murdered  
There ain't words that I can't think of a perfecter way to word it  
Then to just say that I love ya'll too much to see the virdict  
I'll walk away from it all before I let it go any further  
But don't get it twisted, it's not a plea that I'm coppin'  
I'm just willin' to be the bigger man  
If ya'll can quit poppin' off at your jaws with the knockin'  
Cuz frankly I'm sick of talkin'  
I'm not gonna let someone elses coffin rest on my conscience cuz

**Chorus**


End file.
